The truth about ourselves is often too hard to swallow, that even in moments where we claim that we want to be self aware in the same breath we turn away from the very truth we claim to be in search of. It is sort of paradoxical but I think its part of our nature to want truth and great revelation but when we get confronted with the truth unfiltered , we tend to turn our backs against it .
I’ve been thinking about my own flawed traits, it’s shocking to realize that you ain’t such a great person as you had perceived yourself to be. My friends have often told me that I can be Very stubborn, defensive and proud. I’ve always felt like it was an attack on my impeccable character(lies).I used to want to be serenaded with sweet words like you so selfless etc. It could be true to an extent but perhaps the ugly sides of ourselves are the ones that we should be confronted with so we can at least change them.
The road to self awareness is long, rocky and at times challenging. It can be very hard to accept correction even when it comes from a loving place. I guess part of our defensive mechanism stems from our inability to perceive ourselves in a different light than what we have been accustomed to.The coolest thing about the truth is, it remains unchanged by our feelings towards it. You can run away in an attempt not to confront your own demons but they will remain until you make peace with existing with traits that make you less effective as a Christian.
In spite of the scary truth about ourselves. I am learning from the greatest teacher that what you don’t confront will be your downfall. In time a foundation built on a faulty character will be shaken and eventually crumble. As much as we would like to stay in our bubble of self-righteousness we are flawed humans and we should at least make peace with that.
And God is LIT because he knows all our truth and in spite of ourselves he promises to strengthen us in our weakness so we don’t yield to the desires that can easily entangle us.
I am learning that God’s Love is the greatest foundation in getting to the core of our flawed nature. It allows you to confront your demons in all honesty not holding back because you have the greatest assurance that despite what you find, nothing is too dark for him to change.
There is peace in knowing that you can stop being so defensive when confronted with your own ugly truth. You can simply rest in the security founded upon God’s love that promises you that you can bring all your brokenness to him and He will make you whole. No amount of self medication whatever that may look like in your case will ever eradicate the truth about yourself.
I hope we stop running from the truth about ourselves. To be so rooted in God’s love, that even when we are face to face with the uglier versions of ourselves we don’t turn away from it but we bring it all to God. Whom in his loving nature shows us who we are in the moment and also shows us who we can be in the future if we continuously adhere to his discipline. To be confident not arrogant about who he is molding us to be and also understand that it is only through our flawed nature that we come to internalize that we Need God more than He needs us.