Don’t Settle

The myth that I have found myself believing time and time again is the idea that you can search outside of yourself for someone who can complete you. Another person who fits with you so perfectly that all your previous hurt from past relationships disintergrate when you finally meet this person.

I am the last person to give relationship advise,  I can only speak from my experiences. What I have found is that most of the relationships we fall into are built from a naive belief on what and how love should look like. In most cases we find ourselves looking for someone else to fill a void that only Jesus can fill. This flawed understanding of love is mostly driven by the idea that we can define what love is outside of the parameters of what God intended for us when he created love to be the greatest form of expression between people.  We have convinced ourselves that we  can find love that bears all the attributes of God’s love without having him as the foundation of it all.

Consequently, we find ourselves chasing a very limited understanding of what love is and how it should look like.  we almost always settle for the lesser version of who God intends  for us in terms of relationships. I think the compromise starts with thinking that God’s best is not realistic and our standards are too high.  It is a lie that we are told and forced to accept only because most of the people we find ourselves attracted to resemble some little resemblance of who God wants us to be with. We tend to settle, to compromise and when the relationship fails and comes to an end we realize just how much of ourselves we were willing to lose by holding on to someone who was never meant for you in the first place.

A relationship built upon the truth of God is the only one worth sacrificing for, the only one where you won’t find your self compromising on your core values in order to sustain it. I have found myself settling knowing before hand that whatever I’m chasing is not the best for me. We find ourselves settling in what doesn’t grow us but what restricts our  growth only because we resent the idea of being alone. So we fall into relationships that are built from the most shallow belief of love. Love built on a faulty foundation will convince both parties that they complete each other, which is a lie.

These encounters encourage us to be complacent to act like we don’t know any better only because we have found the most basic resemblance of ‘love’. Love that is  not centered upon God’s truth but rather our feelings and emotions. Who can trust these. People change, feelings will come and go and the basic understanding of love that had sustained your relationship will fail.  We grow to realize that love built on a faulty foundation will fail. Everything else in the world will fail, yet we are reminded that nothing fails if it is rooted in God’s truth.  The yardstick we should  use to measure how well we love is Jesus Christ this will transform the expectations and standards we embody in love. We learn that the only love worth settling for is one rooted in sacrifice and selflessness and what better way to understand love than to keep our eyes on the intensity of Jesus’s love on the cross.

We have all bought into this limited understanding of love that is why we find ourselves equating love to lust. We find ourselves at cross roads when trying to transform what was built based on lust into love that should resemble the characteristics of God’s love.  We entertain and attract people who are similar to us , empty people just as we are who look for fulfillment and completeness in each other which is not realistic. I think this explains why we place high expectations on our partners when we  haven’t learnt how to meet the very expectations we expect them to meet.

What I am learning is that the compromises we make in order to sustain relationships that are built upon lust are not worth it. The relationships we settle for only because we fear the idea of being alone, are not worth it. If you find yourself just as I have compromising, choosing to act ignorant only because you start to believe that your standards are too high do not settle. We are the lucky ones who have access to the greatest standard which is JESUS CHRIST through our relationship with God; to use in order to judge the compromises we make in the name of love. Love built upon God’s truth will not allow you to compromise on the very foundation it was built on. It will instead give you the strength to stand in your convictions, to let go of certain habits that limit God’s truth in your relationship. Seek love which empowers you to grow with your partner without making compromises on core values; only because you have reached a certain level of maturity where you can equate your willingness and ability to sacrifice as the greatest measure of love.


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