The messy in between is the gap between who God has called you to be and who you are in the moment. It is the gray area, the stage in our growth where we would much rather skip over moving from point A to B without ever experiencing any struggle. To be the women / man we’ve always believed to be without going through the process, where we are confronted with our own inadequacies is not realistic.
Most times, it is within the in between areas where we tend to give up, to let go and we become the exact people we were trying to change from. We expect our character to change overnight only because we are fully aware of God’s truth. To want to do what is right but yet lacking the will to truly choose what is right. So, we resort to hiding our shame, to pretend like we have it all together when it is furthest thing from the truth.
No one rejoices in being a walking contradiction, it is more heartbreaking to know the truth and yet fail to truly live by it. Nothing reveals your inadequacies than the in between area. It is within these moments where we are desperately trying to transition and move into a different dimension of who we are and yet are constantly confronted with our shortcomings.
In his letter describing his own lack of will in his struggles with sin Saint Paul; writes Romans 7:15
I do not understandwhatI do.ForwhatI want to do,I do not do.ButwhatI hate,I do.There is a dichotomy between our flesh and our spirit, we want to live in the spirit and yet we find our selves time and time again being led by our flesh letting it decide the very path of life we take. Even when we know that what we desire truly can only be found when we are fully aligned with the will of God through the spirit. We find ourselves falling short over and over again in really living in the spirit.
The challenge lies in admitting that what we desire is mostly driven by our flesh and we can’t truly be who God wants us to be if we fail to let go of destructive patterns in our lives. I have in most times found myself in the same predicament that Paul talks about. Mostly feeling like a walking contradiction because I haven’t understood that the person I will become is the collection of everything in between, the patterns, good and the ugly ones.
What I’m learning is to embrace the in between areas, we tend to find ourselves in. To be fully present within the growth process without letting our lack of will defeat our desire to truly live right. To be reminded even within the most trying times that even in our weakness God’s strength is made perfect. To be so in tune with God’s word that each time we fall, we don’t stay down we get up and try again because we know that God is not looking for perfect people but willing people. Flawed like you and me who have no time to pretend like we have it all together but in humility admitting that I need God more than he needs me. I need his guidance.
The in-between area is teaching me that I can’t skip the process as much as I would like to. I will not wake up and BOOM I am the woman I’ve always believed to be . What I can do is embrace the different versions of who I am. To let Jesus who is the author and perfector of my faith to transform me. To be present within each stage of my life without falling into destructive patterns. I am learning not to give up on my desire in reflecting the character of Jesus in my own life, every time I am confronted with my own humanity.
My hope and prayer for you, is to embrace the in between area, to embrace the struggle above all to learn how to give thanks even when we you don’t understand what God is doing during the growth process. To get up each time you fall, holding on to the promise which is in Jesus Christ. To accept your humanity and yet not be defined by it, but rather be rooted in who God believes you to be that even when you adhere to your weakness, you KNOW that God is still with you. God is not looking for your perfection but rather your willingness to let him in each time you fall which defeats our first instinct; hiding in shame when we fall into sin.